Things can be so much better, but i´m happy for what i´ve got...

I am SO sorry that i haven´t written anything lately, i´ve been at dads!!! i dont have any computor there so i cant blog =S.
Things are getting so much better and i am so happy! OfCourse things could have been much better but i am so glad for what i´ve got! Every night of heartace, everything is paying off! so Thankyou to who/whatever made this all happen! i never knew that things so bad can turn out to be good in the end, and i find myself thinking that i have actually learned a lot of this experience, not that i want anyone else to go through it, but things is so much better! It is like there was a war between two different people, they fight for a land/country, and the people who lived there first won, but the country were in so bad shape before the war and now it is better than ever! (i know that my situation is not as big as that but it was only what i though as i wrote :P ) Feel free to comment and to read and follow my blog! I will make sure to write atleast once a week, hopefully once a day!
XOXO Nina!

Everyone deserves a second chance.

I went to dad again today.
I know i said never ever again, but i desided everyone deserves a second chance!
and guess what! we actually had a great time! I am so happy to have dad in my life again! i´m going there tomorrow and probably the next day after school!! =)
I love you dad!

Never ever again!

I went to dad, no one was home other then some chickens in the basement/garage, i ran all over to see if someone was home, including my room, lets just say it, i have no room... I couldnt see any of my things in there either. it was like i never existed in their world. So i got out, looked around to see if they were outside, wich would have been weird, since the doors were locked (i now that dad never locks the garage door, that´s how i came inside) but nobody was there. I started to walk home (to mom) and thought of who i could talk to. Someone who would understand, or atleast listen. I thought of my bff, but she was sick, and she wouldnt understand, not in that way. I thought of my step grandmother(my stepdads mom) but i didn´t feel like it, i thought of everyone but only grandma(dads mom) and mom would listen and/or understand. Mom called me when i was sitting in my room, crying my heart out. I tried to listen to my favourite music, (Justin Biebers' my worlds the collection) but it´s almost only about love and at that point i felt like i would never let anyone in to my heart, even though i have no choice, 'cus you cant deside what to feel. This is one of my favourite poems:

People die
things go wrong
stuff will happen
but life goes on.

Its true too, i know i will have to let go eventually but i dont want to yet. I want to think of my dad as someone who gave me up, who didnt want me, but i dont think i ever will be able too. Once or twice my dad has told me that if i ever died before him, he would kill himself. If i mean that much to him then how could he let me go and just dont care?
My heart will never let him in again. I hope..

I feel sick =S

Today i´m suppose to go to dad, wich i havent met in almost 4 months. I have no idea if he will be happy, angry, sad or anything else..¨
I feel sick!

.....

I´m SO nervous 4 tomorrow! i have no idea how dad will react, and as if that wasnt enough, my bff "got sick" so she wont let me call her to talk! i always listens to her when she needs me but she didnt even care after i told her that im going to dad tomorrow! I hate to say it but i really think we are groing apart =(
well, i have to go to bed butwish me good luck! =/ =)

OMG!

You will understand this entry if you read my blog: My broken heart.

OK. I woke up today 'cus my cellphone rang, guess who!?
my little stepsister!(bad thing)
She called from my dads phone. so i thought dad was calling no, have you ever been disappointed? i was ten times more disappointed than that!
She asked if i could go there and hang out(she said play, she´s ten) but i convinced her that i didn´t have time today but tomorrow, omg! i havent seen dad in almost 4 months and now, 4 days before school starts she calls!?
Aaaahhhhhhhhh!

Help!

I´m thinkgin about writing a book, about my self, in wich the last post will participate, what do u think? would it be interesting or just boring?
comment and tell me!!! Thanks!