I am SO sorry that i haven´t written anything lately, i´ve been at dads!!! i dont have any computor there so i cant blog =S.
Things are getting so much better and i am so happy! OfCourse things could have been much better but i am so glad for what i´ve got! Every night of heartace, everything is paying off! so Thankyou to who/whatever made this all happen! i never knew that things so bad can turn out to be good in the end, and i find myself thinking that i have actually learned a lot of this experience, not that i want anyone else to go through it, but things is so much better! It is like there was a war between two different people, they fight for a land/country, and the people who lived there first won, but the country were in so bad shape before the war and now it is better than ever! (i know that my situation is not as big as that but it was only what i though as i wrote :P ) Feel free to comment and to read and follow my blog! I will make sure to write atleast once a week, hopefully once a day!
XOXO Nina!
måndag 17 januari 2011
måndag 10 januari 2011
Everyone deserves a second chance.
I went to dad again today.
I know i said never ever again, but i desided everyone deserves a second chance!
and guess what! we actually had a great time! I am so happy to have dad in my life again! i´m going there tomorrow and probably the next day after school!! =)
I love you dad!
I know i said never ever again, but i desided everyone deserves a second chance!
and guess what! we actually had a great time! I am so happy to have dad in my life again! i´m going there tomorrow and probably the next day after school!! =)
I love you dad!
söndag 9 januari 2011
Never ever again!
I went to dad, no one was home other then some chickens in the basement/garage, i ran all over to see if someone was home, including my room, lets just say it, i have no room... I couldnt see any of my things in there either. it was like i never existed in their world. So i got out, looked around to see if they were outside, wich would have been weird, since the doors were locked (i now that dad never locks the garage door, that´s how i came inside) but nobody was there. I started to walk home (to mom) and thought of who i could talk to. Someone who would understand, or atleast listen. I thought of my bff, but she was sick, and she wouldnt understand, not in that way. I thought of my step grandmother(my stepdads mom) but i didn´t feel like it, i thought of everyone but only grandma(dads mom) and mom would listen and/or understand. Mom called me when i was sitting in my room, crying my heart out. I tried to listen to my favourite music, (Justin Biebers' my worlds the collection) but it´s almost only about love and at that point i felt like i would never let anyone in to my heart, even though i have no choice, 'cus you cant deside what to feel. This is one of my favourite poems:
People die
things go wrong
stuff will happen
but life goes on.
Its true too, i know i will have to let go eventually but i dont want to yet. I want to think of my dad as someone who gave me up, who didnt want me, but i dont think i ever will be able too. Once or twice my dad has told me that if i ever died before him, he would kill himself. If i mean that much to him then how could he let me go and just dont care?
My heart will never let him in again. I hope..
People die
things go wrong
stuff will happen
but life goes on.
Its true too, i know i will have to let go eventually but i dont want to yet. I want to think of my dad as someone who gave me up, who didnt want me, but i dont think i ever will be able too. Once or twice my dad has told me that if i ever died before him, he would kill himself. If i mean that much to him then how could he let me go and just dont care?
My heart will never let him in again. I hope..
I feel sick =S
Today i´m suppose to go to dad, wich i havent met in almost 4 months. I have no idea if he will be happy, angry, sad or anything else..¨
I feel sick!
I feel sick!
lördag 8 januari 2011
.....
I´m SO nervous 4 tomorrow! i have no idea how dad will react, and as if that wasnt enough, my bff "got sick" so she wont let me call her to talk! i always listens to her when she needs me but she didnt even care after i told her that im going to dad tomorrow! I hate to say it but i really think we are groing apart =(
well, i have to go to bed butwish me good luck! =/ =)
well, i have to go to bed butwish me good luck! =/ =)
OMG!
You will understand this entry if you read my blog: My broken heart.
OK. I woke up today 'cus my cellphone rang, guess who!?
my little stepsister!(bad thing)
She called from my dads phone. so i thought dad was calling no, have you ever been disappointed? i was ten times more disappointed than that!
She asked if i could go there and hang out(she said play, she´s ten) but i convinced her that i didn´t have time today but tomorrow, omg! i havent seen dad in almost 4 months and now, 4 days before school starts she calls!?
Aaaahhhhhhhhh!
OK. I woke up today 'cus my cellphone rang, guess who!?
my little stepsister!(bad thing)
She called from my dads phone. so i thought dad was calling no, have you ever been disappointed? i was ten times more disappointed than that!
She asked if i could go there and hang out(she said play, she´s ten) but i convinced her that i didn´t have time today but tomorrow, omg! i havent seen dad in almost 4 months and now, 4 days before school starts she calls!?
Aaaahhhhhhhhh!
torsdag 6 januari 2011
Help!
I´m thinkgin about writing a book, about my self, in wich the last post will participate, what do u think? would it be interesting or just boring?
comment and tell me!!! Thanks!
comment and tell me!!! Thanks!
onsdag 5 januari 2011
The story of this Cinderella.
This is a little bit of the story about me, more will come!
Info: The names in this story is made up, but the story is a true story, my story.
When i was little my mom was the party-princess and my dad took care of me. Maybe that´s why I was his little girl but anyway. My dad lived with mom in her apartment for a while ( i lived there too of Course) but he had a house, outside the town we lived in, about 15 minutes away from the town. He had lived there with his ex-girlfriend and then the house burned down so they buildt it up again and they broke up, dad met mom. Maybe i should tell their story now, before i continue,
Mom and dad were neighbours when they were young, i´m not sure how young but they both lived with their parents (dad lived with his mom) i think mom was around five years old, dad was (is) three years older then her.. And my grandmothers were friends. Then my parents moved seperate ways and when they were older, mom was probably around 20-21 and dad were 23-24, they started to work at the same place, it sounds like they were just ment to be right? i´m not sure how they fell for each other but obviously they did, one way or another. I think my parents stayed together for me. They never seemed happy, only when they were alone with me (seperatly).
OK. Back to my story!
Ok, dad met mom, got a baby, me, andthen we all were a small happy family for a while, living in dads house, then mom and i moved to an apartment, dad was working a long way from us as a truckdriver so he was only home on the weekends and then he was with us, in moms apartment. He usually came home in the middle of the night and he always woke me up when he came, mom wasn´t a heavy sleeper but dad was quiet so she never woke up, i think. And we watch some horror movie or something and then we went to sleep, then in the morning we woke up, me and dad, while mom still was asleep. We ate real food for breakfast and had a great time, i dont really remember what we did at the day but i guess we went somewhere and had fun, when dad was home anyway. And in the weekend evenings mom was at some party and dad and i was home watching a movie or cooking, cleaning, stuff like that. On the weeks when dad was working mom still went to parties, on the evening, ´cus on the days she was working. She got me a babysitter, wich was really her friend. I was scared of that woman and i even told mom, the woman looked like a witch! She had a long nose and she had a little mustasch, she looked like a witch for real! So every night when mom went out i cried and went to hide in my room. The woman was nice but hey, i was a kid and she looked like a witch!
One day, probably a saturday cus dad was home (in his house) (mom and dad weren´t together even though he ”lived” in moms apartment, he was just there for me) someone called mom and she talked for a while and i wont tell what she said cus i might have a good memory but not that good, but she had a boyfriend and he came over to our apartment. He was drunk, more drunk than i´ve ever seen anyone be (other then my dad but that comes later) and he was all over my mom.
They were in the kitchen and i was in the livingroom, freaked out ofcourse, and i couldn´t do anything, my phone was in the kitchen and i was too afraid to go get it, even though i never would have to walk in to the kitchen, i just had to reach my arm. After a while i ran from the livingroom to the hallway and then i walked, slowly and quietly, to the dorr of the kitchen (we didnt have a door there but you know what i mean) and grabbed my phone, then i ran back to the livingroom and i dont remember if i called or texted dad but i contacted him somehow and said/wrote that i was scared and that there was a man that was drunk and was hugging mom (that was all he did, atleast while i was watching) and after a while dad came but before he came, like three seconds before, the man left. Mom knew somehow that i was scared and calmed me down, i guess dad called her and she kicked the man out, anyway dad came to get me and me and mom said it was ok now, the man was gone, but dad was furious and i had no choice but to go with him(wich was not a bad thing but he kind of scared me when he was angry, whenever he raised his voice, to anyone i started crying, i still do..). I remember the ride in his car one the way to his house, i was still crying a little and i think we were both quiet. Dad told me later, actually last year i think, that he had seen the man running away from the apartment building when he came, and he saw that the man saw him.(Dad has quite a reputation of being a bad boy if you ask the right people.)I know who the man is, he is a friend of Bills and i can´t stand him, even though all that happened about nine years ago, and his girlfriend is just as big of an idiot as he is. Anyway, I´m still grateful to my dad for coming that day, after that i always knew that if i ever would need him, he would be there. He was my safe place. Dad had invited Ginnie over many times and they were friends, i thought,(my mom have told me that Ginnie was jealous of her for as long as mom and dad was together) and one day my dad asked me; ” do you want to ask Ginnie if she want to move in with us?” I think i hould mention this: I WAS 8 YEARS OLD! Just so that is clear. I nodded and then i whispered the question to her and she said yes. I never ever thought about Amelia and Jasper, I knew they were her kids just not that they would move in too, and after that i knew/know what it´s like to live in a zoo, trust me. I thought i was raised bad but compared to them i am an angel, and it turns out that i get along with everyone, old people(out of respect, dad always told me to respect older people than me.), babies and toddlers (they like me and i love them), animals (i am a catgirl, i love horses, love dogs, i love every animal on earth other that sharks, my greatest fear.) yeah, i get along with everyone, other that teenagers, wich is not good since i am a teenager, i´m not sure why that is, but i guess i´m over analyzing everything and then i end up looking like a geek. Anyway i get along with almost everyone, other than Ginnie, Amelia and Jasper. Do you recognize that from somewhere? A movie, really!? I have no idea what movie you are talking about! Let me guess, Cinderella! Like i´ve said before i am living a story of a cinderella, I am cinderella and Ginnie is the evil stepmother, Amelia and Jasper are the evil stepsister and stepbrother. The difference was that Cinderella had a father, and Ginnie and the dad wasn´t married. As far as i know they havent got married after that either, i want all of my dads belongings to myself when he dies, wich i hope, no matter what happens between us, will be in a couple hundreds years, you probably thought i was going to say something like ” in a couple years! Or something but i would never say that, i love my father, and i hate him too but i still love him! i´ve never written an entry in a diary that was this loing, i mean the entry, not the diary.
Info: The names in this story is made up, but the story is a true story, my story.
When i was little my mom was the party-princess and my dad took care of me. Maybe that´s why I was his little girl but anyway. My dad lived with mom in her apartment for a while ( i lived there too of Course) but he had a house, outside the town we lived in, about 15 minutes away from the town. He had lived there with his ex-girlfriend and then the house burned down so they buildt it up again and they broke up, dad met mom. Maybe i should tell their story now, before i continue,
Mom and dad were neighbours when they were young, i´m not sure how young but they both lived with their parents (dad lived with his mom) i think mom was around five years old, dad was (is) three years older then her.. And my grandmothers were friends. Then my parents moved seperate ways and when they were older, mom was probably around 20-21 and dad were 23-24, they started to work at the same place, it sounds like they were just ment to be right? i´m not sure how they fell for each other but obviously they did, one way or another. I think my parents stayed together for me. They never seemed happy, only when they were alone with me (seperatly).
OK. Back to my story!
Ok, dad met mom, got a baby, me, andthen we all were a small happy family for a while, living in dads house, then mom and i moved to an apartment, dad was working a long way from us as a truckdriver so he was only home on the weekends and then he was with us, in moms apartment. He usually came home in the middle of the night and he always woke me up when he came, mom wasn´t a heavy sleeper but dad was quiet so she never woke up, i think. And we watch some horror movie or something and then we went to sleep, then in the morning we woke up, me and dad, while mom still was asleep. We ate real food for breakfast and had a great time, i dont really remember what we did at the day but i guess we went somewhere and had fun, when dad was home anyway. And in the weekend evenings mom was at some party and dad and i was home watching a movie or cooking, cleaning, stuff like that. On the weeks when dad was working mom still went to parties, on the evening, ´cus on the days she was working. She got me a babysitter, wich was really her friend. I was scared of that woman and i even told mom, the woman looked like a witch! She had a long nose and she had a little mustasch, she looked like a witch for real! So every night when mom went out i cried and went to hide in my room. The woman was nice but hey, i was a kid and she looked like a witch!
One day, probably a saturday cus dad was home (in his house) (mom and dad weren´t together even though he ”lived” in moms apartment, he was just there for me) someone called mom and she talked for a while and i wont tell what she said cus i might have a good memory but not that good, but she had a boyfriend and he came over to our apartment. He was drunk, more drunk than i´ve ever seen anyone be (other then my dad but that comes later) and he was all over my mom.
They were in the kitchen and i was in the livingroom, freaked out ofcourse, and i couldn´t do anything, my phone was in the kitchen and i was too afraid to go get it, even though i never would have to walk in to the kitchen, i just had to reach my arm. After a while i ran from the livingroom to the hallway and then i walked, slowly and quietly, to the dorr of the kitchen (we didnt have a door there but you know what i mean) and grabbed my phone, then i ran back to the livingroom and i dont remember if i called or texted dad but i contacted him somehow and said/wrote that i was scared and that there was a man that was drunk and was hugging mom (that was all he did, atleast while i was watching) and after a while dad came but before he came, like three seconds before, the man left. Mom knew somehow that i was scared and calmed me down, i guess dad called her and she kicked the man out, anyway dad came to get me and me and mom said it was ok now, the man was gone, but dad was furious and i had no choice but to go with him(wich was not a bad thing but he kind of scared me when he was angry, whenever he raised his voice, to anyone i started crying, i still do..). I remember the ride in his car one the way to his house, i was still crying a little and i think we were both quiet. Dad told me later, actually last year i think, that he had seen the man running away from the apartment building when he came, and he saw that the man saw him.(Dad has quite a reputation of being a bad boy if you ask the right people.)I know who the man is, he is a friend of Bills and i can´t stand him, even though all that happened about nine years ago, and his girlfriend is just as big of an idiot as he is. Anyway, I´m still grateful to my dad for coming that day, after that i always knew that if i ever would need him, he would be there. He was my safe place. Dad had invited Ginnie over many times and they were friends, i thought,(my mom have told me that Ginnie was jealous of her for as long as mom and dad was together) and one day my dad asked me; ” do you want to ask Ginnie if she want to move in with us?” I think i hould mention this: I WAS 8 YEARS OLD! Just so that is clear. I nodded and then i whispered the question to her and she said yes. I never ever thought about Amelia and Jasper, I knew they were her kids just not that they would move in too, and after that i knew/know what it´s like to live in a zoo, trust me. I thought i was raised bad but compared to them i am an angel, and it turns out that i get along with everyone, old people(out of respect, dad always told me to respect older people than me.), babies and toddlers (they like me and i love them), animals (i am a catgirl, i love horses, love dogs, i love every animal on earth other that sharks, my greatest fear.) yeah, i get along with everyone, other that teenagers, wich is not good since i am a teenager, i´m not sure why that is, but i guess i´m over analyzing everything and then i end up looking like a geek. Anyway i get along with almost everyone, other than Ginnie, Amelia and Jasper. Do you recognize that from somewhere? A movie, really!? I have no idea what movie you are talking about! Let me guess, Cinderella! Like i´ve said before i am living a story of a cinderella, I am cinderella and Ginnie is the evil stepmother, Amelia and Jasper are the evil stepsister and stepbrother. The difference was that Cinderella had a father, and Ginnie and the dad wasn´t married. As far as i know they havent got married after that either, i want all of my dads belongings to myself when he dies, wich i hope, no matter what happens between us, will be in a couple hundreds years, you probably thought i was going to say something like ” in a couple years! Or something but i would never say that, i love my father, and i hate him too but i still love him! i´ve never written an entry in a diary that was this loing, i mean the entry, not the diary.
Prenumerera på:
Kommentarer (Atom)