I went to dad, no one was home other then some chickens in the basement/garage, i ran all over to see if someone was home, including my room, lets just say it, i have no room... I couldnt see any of my things in there either. it was like i never existed in their world. So i got out, looked around to see if they were outside, wich would have been weird, since the doors were locked (i now that dad never locks the garage door, that´s how i came inside) but nobody was there. I started to walk home (to mom) and thought of who i could talk to. Someone who would understand, or atleast listen. I thought of my bff, but she was sick, and she wouldnt understand, not in that way. I thought of my step grandmother(my stepdads mom) but i didn´t feel like it, i thought of everyone but only grandma(dads mom) and mom would listen and/or understand. Mom called me when i was sitting in my room, crying my heart out. I tried to listen to my favourite music, (Justin Biebers' my worlds the collection) but it´s almost only about love and at that point i felt like i would never let anyone in to my heart, even though i have no choice, 'cus you cant deside what to feel. This is one of my favourite poems:
People die
things go wrong
stuff will happen
but life goes on.
Its true too, i know i will have to let go eventually but i dont want to yet. I want to think of my dad as someone who gave me up, who didnt want me, but i dont think i ever will be able too. Once or twice my dad has told me that if i ever died before him, he would kill himself. If i mean that much to him then how could he let me go and just dont care?
My heart will never let him in again. I hope..
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